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Boiling Mad

April 5th, 2008 at 11:59 am

I am getting angrier by the day. I need to vent.

On Monday my dad called cell phone and left several messages saying that he was coming to visit that night and that he had something to give me. I was at work the whole day. I thought, what the hell could this possibly be about? I got home Monday at about 2030; at about 2100 I hear a knock on the door. Surprise - it was my brother. He wanted to me to come downstairs because my dad was parked outside. We get outside and I see his van, and then he comes out. He tells me that he cannot afford the payments on this vehicle so he wanted to switch vehicles with me.

We go inside my apartment and my dad starts going off about my mom … she is such an evil person, how can she do this to him, she has done so many bad things, etc. She hadn’t paid the bill on the van (his vehicle that he drives that’s under his name) in three months. He needs help paying the last three months or they will repossess the van. He shows me the statement – they owe $1500.00, not including this month’s payment of $465.00 + a late fee of 23.00.

We sit in my dining room for an hour while he begs, he says just consider this a loan and that he will pay me back when he gets money from their divorce. He says that they have a hearing sometime this month and ensures me that he will pay me back my money.

I told him (these were my terms):

1.) I will only do this for the month of April

2.) After April, he must come and pick this vehicle up and give me back my money.

I am not: going to continue paying May, June, July…etc. Who knows how long this process will stretch out? I will leave this thing in the middle of the freeway, beach, whatever if he doesn’t come and get it. There’s probably three months worth of back insurance that hasn’t been paid on this thing – will I have to pay that too? If I should get into a car accident now, I am totally, f-ing, SCREWED. We wrote up a contract, both signed it & he was going to show it to his lawyers. I swear to god, if he doesn’t pay me back, I will be the next to sue.

What is the point?

I scrimp and save and sacrifice and work my ass off only for some entitlement-minded jerk to come & help himself to my money. He has the nerve to say, “Oh you’re single, you work, you can afford it.” Such bullsh!t!!!! So the fact that I have a JOB must mean that I’m swimming in money every night and that I must sh!t gold coins! He even suggested that I charge it to my credit card!!! I have so many anger issues tied to this person. I am just an inch away – just an inch – from cutting this person from my life. I can do just fine without them. I know this is my family and I should help, but everyone makes choices in life & he chose not to work. He is not accepting responsibility for anything.

I worked for this money; I earned it. This is putting up with people’s personality problems, aggravation & stress. This is discipline. This is not going out every weekend & staying inside this apartment. This is not having my hair cut in six damn months. I felt like someone just came along and threw a monkey wrench into my plans and my dreams.

This is the plan: I will have another vehicle by the end of April for me. At this time, he will come pick up this van & drop off my money. Then after the last tie is cut, I will wipe my hands clean. It’s painful enough for me to watch my parents going through a divorce, but to have to be dragged into this unwillingly..... A friend suggested that I move far, far away. If they don’t leave me alone I will do just that.

I figure this whole car mess has cost me about $10, 000 in payments & lost interest. In addition, about $1900 + interest that could be earning! This is money that I could have put into my house fund or at least a car that would still be mine. After this I have to tell them, if they want to hear from me again, to not even think about asking me for money.

10 Responses to “Boiling Mad”

  1. 76Chick Says:

    I'd be mad,too. I hope it ends up working out.

  2. Carolina Bound Says:

    I am so sorry. Sometimes parents are actually children.

  3. Managinglife Says:

    I know what you are going through! I have counselled many of my military personnel to deal with parental guilt. Some were deployed to scary places and getting letters or telephone calls finding out that a family member totally wiped out their bank accounts and ruined their credit. Take the time to note that you have changed your financial history for the better. You are not responsible for cleaning up their messes or pay for their financial mistakes! Come to terms with the fact that your parents may not change or pay you back. Know that when you are raising a child that you will not repeat your family financial guilt history. You will get through this and be a better person. Take care of yourself and don't let your anger overcome the great possiblities in your life.

  4. snoopycool Says:

    Wow... I'm sorry. I think I'd be really angry, too.

  5. nance Says:

    I can't imagine parents putting their grown children through this. Stick to your guns, and don't get suckered in again. It is just enabling him to keep on being irresponsible.
    Your friend might have the right idea of removing yourself, physically, from the area.
    I'm sorry you are going through this.

  6. sillyoleme Says:

    Sorry you're having to deal with this, doesn't it SUCK when our parents act like kids?

    In my family, I feel like I am in the same position sometimes. Like the "personal loan" that I have listed under my debts. It's not even mine, it was for fixing my younger brother's truck about a year ago. Nobody had enough money to pay for it, and my mom was refinancing my grandmother's house, so nobody had enough credit to get approved for the loan... except ME. Even though I was taking 19 hours of college classes, working 30 hours a week, and commuting 40 minutes every day. And to top it all off, the bank that we got it at isn't even big enough to report to the credit agencies, so it looks like I haven't been faithfully paying this whole time.

    So I know what it's like to be between your hard-earned credit and money and your family. It's really a rock and a hard place. Best of luck to you!

  7. scfr Says:

    I'm so sorry. That really sucks.

  8. Nic Says:

    Sorry you're going through this. You aren't alone. Many of us learned a long time ago to not only say NO,but to show those expecting a bailout the door. Stick to your game plan and don't back down.
    BTW,my pastor always says "If you don't like your family,find a new one."

  9. Harley Says:

    That is a prickly one. Good luck.

  10. Amber Says:

    Switch vechiles? I hate when people say "Oh you’re single, you work, with no kids and you can afford it.” That drives me bonkers. A friend of mine wants me to move in with him because of all these reason, can you believe that. Mind you he is not even working
    I wouln not switch, since you are willing to pay April's just give it to him, good luck

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